I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
