I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
