What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
