I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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