Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize