But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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