An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
