im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
