The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
