I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
