I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
