I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
