the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
