dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think i have two assholes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
