i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
