I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
