I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
