sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize