She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
