So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
