you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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