UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
