I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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