he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
