More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
