If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
