I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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