Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
They took my balls.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
