So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
