I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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