So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
