Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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