She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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