Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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