i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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