I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
