We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
