What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
