He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
