Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
