I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
