you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there is glitter all over my balls
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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