you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
