If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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