I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
