He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
