i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
