I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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