sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
