in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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