either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize