I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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