I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
