corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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