So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
