Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
