ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
thus making me awesome and them whores
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
