She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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