there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
