so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
