I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
