After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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