I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize