I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
