Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
