I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
sex in a hospital.. check
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
