I feel like I'm in dance class right now
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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