Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
