She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
