Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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